The Book of Ents/Entsodus
Bops passed, and the Ents multiplied on stage. In time, the Bruce also created a General Manager to watch over his Union while he “returned to his field”. But The General Manager was not pure like the Ents, and he created many a Health and Safety Form. The General Manager grew scared of the Ents’ vast numbers, and feared that his Union would become run by students. Fearing for his Union, The General Manager enslaved the Ents, forcing them to do academic work, subsist on food from Beatons and vending machines, and worst of all, be punters at events. Meanwhile, The General Manager tried to build himself a mighty disco, which was fully automated, requiring no technical knowledge to run it. This deeply concerned the Bruce, and resulted in many holy profanities.
From amongst the enslaved Ents, a leader emerged, Niall. Niall was the most devoted disciple of The Bruce, and prayed nightly to The Bruce. One night, when Niall was working late, and The Bruce spoke to Niall over the tannoy, and said unto him “Rise up against the General Manager, and lead your Crew to the land of plenty, where new kit will be abundant, and sleep would be rare”. Niall, faithful to the Bruce, journeyed to find the General Managers lair. There, surrounded by health and safety forms, he showed no fear. He beseeched to the General Manager to free the Ents Crew, letting them travel to a land where they can tech freely, according to their own Health and Safety regulations (or lack there of). The General Manager was so enraged that, fearing a revolt of the Ents, he closed Beatons.
Niall traveled to the highest point in the Temple, and sat on the octagon. There he prayed to the Bruce. During one bop, he heard the word of the Bruce over the PA. The Bruce spoke unto Niall, “Go back to the General Manager, for I will be with you – my office is just across the hall”. Niall returned to the General Managers office, and carried with him his Matric card. There, he commanded the General Manager to let his Ents Crew go. When the General Manager refused to let the Ents Crew go, Niall threw his Matric card to the floor, and though the power of the Bruce, it turned into an Ents Pass. The General Manager was terrified, yet he refused to free the Ents Crew.
The Bruce sent unto the General Manager a plague of rats, which infested the bar and the Venue, coming out to frighten the punters. The rats climbed up the legs of the security guards to bite them, resulting in many a Yah being let into the Union. The Niall then went to The General Manager, and said unto Him, “Let my Ents Crew go” The General Manager refused.
The Bruce sent unto the General Manager a plague of Blood. And for a week, whenever a pint of Tennents was poured from the bar, it turned into blood. Unfortunately, this did not work, as the blood tasted better than Tennents. Niall, undeterred by this setback said unto the General Manager, “Let my Ents Crew go”. The General Manager refused.
The Bruce then sent a plague of disease, causing all staff to go off sick. The General Manager worked behind the bar, serving many a punter for 7 days and 7 nights. The General Manager, unlike the Ents had not experienced sleepless nights, and he suffered greatly. At the end of his 168 hour shift, Niall said unto the General Manager “Let my Ents Crew go”. The General Manager refused.
The Bruce then sent a snowstorm to the bubble. The 60s heating system in the Union could not cope with temperatures lower than 10 degrees, and thus the temperature in the Union plummeted. Tennents froze in the tap, the Lights would not strike, and many punters tongue got stuck to the trussing. Niall went unto the General Manager, and said unto him, “Let my Ents Crew go”. The General Manager refused.
Finally, the Bruce unleashed his worst plague on the Union. He sent unto the General Manager the KK, who did Christmas pantomime until the stomachs of all who entered the venue emptied, and the black drapes were filled with rotten tomatoes, milk turning into cheese, and a decaying chicken. This was too much for the General Manager to bear, and he sought out Niall, and said, “You may go”.
The Ents Crew rejoiced. And the Niall led the Crew in a week of Bop-Like events, with many a shiny hire, and many a punter came. The General Manager was angered by the complexity of the events, and on the Friday night, snuck unto the holy temple, and tried to enslave the Ents again. Niall heard of the General Manager’s plan, and prayed to the Bruce. Niall then ripped the Ents Pass from his breast, and held it high. Though the power of the Bruce, he parted the sea of punters, and led his Crew to freedom, and to the promised land. The General Manager followed, but he did not have the power of the Bruce. As the last ent left the sea of punters, they swarmed in on the general manager and tried to dance with him. This resulted in much bop juice being spilt on the general manager, and he did pull. Niall headed to the West sands, and there did have a bonfire, and much “missing” booze was drunk.
In the morning, Niall felt the hand of The Bruce on his shoulder - so he turned around. The Bruce told Niall that the Crew must wander the earth for 4 months, before they could tech again. This caused much despair for the Ents Crew.
Over the next four months, the Crew wandered. Many of the older Crew did not survive, and succumbed to “the real world” and got jobs. Others attempted to worship false gods, by teching in other venues. Some survived by playing Flight case Curling, or Gaffa Ball, attempting to bring some level of techieness back to their lives. Many did not survive.
After what seemed like years, the Ents Crew reached the Promised Land, known as “Freshers’ Week”. Awaiting them were many shiny new pieces of equipment, fresh supplies of lecki tape, and hundreds of freshers waiting to get lashed. The Ents did not sleep, and ate only of the Beatons and the Empire, and rigged to their hearts’ content. For they had been faithful to the Bruce, and he had delivered them to the promised land.
This is the word of The Bruce, Thanks be to The Bruce